


Hold Me Tightly

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Divergence - Avengers (2012), Declarations Of Love, Established Relationship, Feels, Fluff, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, SHIELD Agent Loki, Secret Identity, Secret Relationship, Tony Stark is a good boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 10:56:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17938415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Agent Loki Smith was so completely unlike anyone else, and he drew Tony in like a moth to a flame. Within weeks of their beginning to meet in storage closets and discreet locations free of listening devices, Tony was so hopelessly infatuated that he knew he would never be able to give Loki up. But is Loki all that he appears to be?





	Hold Me Tightly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [qmalfoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/qmalfoy/gifts).



> So it was 2am, right, and **Rabentochter** suddenly started talking about wanting an AU where Loki was a SHIELD agent. Turns out, she had come across [this marvellous gifset](http://quietlyapocalyptic.tumblr.com/post/183095926119/laufeysons-laufeysons-au-loki-shield), and when I saw it– yeah, you know I stayed up until gone 4 because this idea wouldn’t leave me alone.  
>   
> The caption on **laufeysons(qmalfoy)’s** gifset:  
>  _AU. Loki- shield agent, and Tony- Avenger on retainer, date in secret; wanting to keep shield out of their business as much as possible._  
>   
>  I haven’t followed the idea _exactly_ , but– the closet scene was directly inspired by the connected ficlet. Seriously, go check out that giftset, it’s amazing.  
>   
> 

Tony knew that he shouldn’t have done it. Not because of the regulations stating that such affairs were forbidden – that, of course, only spurred him on further – and not even the thought of the security risks involved with dating a freaking SHIELD agent could have turned him away after that first taste. He should have _realised_ that this would have fallen into something so much deeper so very quickly, without any chance of backing away once he had taken that first step toward his newfound addiction.

Agent Loki Smith was so completely unlike anyone else Tony had ever met, somehow so entrancing and burning hot with a fire that drew Tony in like a moth to a flame. And within weeks of their beginning to meet in storage closets and discreet locations free of listening devices, Tony was so hopelessly infatuated that he knew he would never be able to give Loki up.

They had met not long after the incident in New York, when some ugly looking _thing_ in a cloak had come down with a magic wand and an army, only to be stopped by Nick Fury’s not so secret but certainly _super_ boyband. Since the Avengers Initiative had been such a resounding success, SHIELD had decided to keep the program running, and assigned every member of the team their own handler.

While Tony had been internally pleased to finally be free of that demeaning ‘consultant’ title, he complained long and loud about being assigned a baby-sitter– until he saw the guy in person, that is.

The first thing that went through Tony’s mind, of course, was that his handler was tall, taller than Tony by several inches at least. The second thing was less articulate, closer to more of a groan, or one of those _hnngg_ noises that had a nasty habit of escaping from deep in Tony’s throat at inappropriate moments. But, in terms of actual words, the closest option would probably be along the lines of—

_Oh, shit, he’s hot._

Because yeah, he was tall– tall and _lean_ , with muscles that weren’t bulky but still clearly defined under the tight cloth of his SHIELD issued uniform. He was pale, but not overly so, and the cut of his jaw and the line of his nose were sharp and refined, while his eyes were a piercing blue. His short brown hair was neatly styled with the kind of care that Tony put into his goatee, but the light, morning stubble on his cheeks and around his mouth lay in contrast to that, painting an interesting and gorgeous picture.

Unfortunately– or, well, _fortunately_ , as it were – Tony didn’t quite manage to school his expression in time, and Loki had given him the kind of leer that sharpened all of his features and sent an excited spark running down Tony’s spine. Because Tony knew a good challenge when he saw one– the kind of challenge he loved, where his opponent would try to play him just as fiercely as he tried to play them. The fact that Loki seemed almost on Tony’s level of intellect came as a surprising but incredibly welcome bonus.

(Tony had asked Loki too many times to count why he was still working for SHIELD when he could be doing so much better. Loki had always smiled tightly and changed the subject, so Tony had learned to stop asking.)

It hadn’t taken them long to move from flirty words to suggestive touches, fingers lingering a little too long when documents changed hands, feet stroking slowly against calves under the table. Hands catching on the lapels of jackets, unbuttoning shirts, pushing against chests and slamming backs against walls while their lips slid together in a desperate, possessive kiss.

They had to be careful, of course they did. Because while it started casual, they both knew from the very start that it wasn’t something that they would want to _stop_. And when the fucking turned into something softer, when their kisses slowed down and they began to linger after, dressing slowly, touching, _talking_ – when Loki started staying the night in Tony’s penthouse, and when they started going out on dates that sometimes ended with them simply curling together and holding on tight with no need for sex at all…

Well. At that point, SHIELD could no longer stop them, that was no longer a problem. But they both knew that Fury would either try to break them apart, or would try to use their relationship to his advantage. Either of those options would, at the very least, be rather _irritating_ , so they decided to keep quiet.

To be honest Tony knew that it would come out eventually, and that keeping it quiet _was_ only delaying the inevitable. But the peace was nice while it lasted, and Loki seemed to care more for the secrecy than he let on. Tony wouldn’t begrudge Loki that, if it helped to make his lover happy. So they stayed separate while at SHIELD, contenting themselves with lingering glances across briefing rooms and the soft brushes of skin as they passed in the hallways (and, of course, the occasional relief of tension in one of the storage cupboards they had become familiar with at the beginning). It was hard, at times, but worth it.

Tony would do a lot of things to make Loki happy, actually. It was almost disconcerting, the lengths that he would go just to see Loki’s lips pull up into a smile. The list included but was not limited to– initiating an almost normal sleeping schedule just so that they could wake up together; finally learning how to make a freaking omelette so he could surprise Loki with breakfast in bed; kissing him soft and slow, running his hand through Loki’s hair and lingering longer than necessary against his lips before Loki headed off to work (not that a kiss was any kind of sacrifice); and throwing down his tools in the middle of the day, putting on a suit (both the smart and the _best_ kinds, one on top of the other) and booking it to the SHIELD base, just because he _missed_ him.

Imagine. Tony Stark, _voluntarily_ going into SHIELD.

The Tony of six months earlier would have laughed– but he wouldn’t have known how a single touch could make his breath hitch, how a hug could make his heart skip a beat, how a kiss could feel like coming home.

Loki was talking to another agent when Tony found him, but his back was tense and his fingers twitching as if he were fighting against curling them into a fist. Two seconds of listening to the conversation was enough for Tony to realise the reason why– the other agent was gushing about the Avengers, and in particular the battle prowess of a certain blonde Asgardian.

Loki had never really seemed fond of Thor, to put it lightly– he always avoided him more than any of the other Avengers, and clammed up every time Thor was mentioned in a conversation. But Tony thought that there was something deeper than simple dislike hiding behind those blue eyes, because Thor’s name always seemed to soften his gaze for a moment before Loki forcibly replaced it with a blank stare, a bitter quip, and a change of subject. It was a curious thing, and another layer to the puzzle that Tony loved trying to pick apart– almost as much as he had come to love Loki himself.

Sometimes, Tony wondered if it had something to do with Loki’s name– because _Loki_ was another Norse god, just like Thor was supposedly meant to be. Maybe Loki felt weird, seeing a reminder of the fact that there was probably _another_ Loki up there somewhere, getting ready to start Ragnarök or insulting people at dinner parties or whatever else that deity was meant to have done in the legends.

But whatever it was– the other agent was clearly not picking up on Loki’s signals, because she just kept _gushing_ even as Loki’s tolerant gaze hardened into a glare.

“I need to talk to you,” Tony said briskly, speaking straight over the other agent’s attempt to make it seem like her description of Thor’s ability to wield lightning ‘like magic’ was anything other than the result of an unrequited crush.

“To me?” Loki asked, turning from the woman and arching a brow, his arms crossing over his chest. “Why?”

“Avengers emergency,” Tony said with a shrug. “You’re my handler, thought I’d best come to you first. Although, if you’d _rather_ I go to Fury, I can, I mean, his office is just down here a ways, isn’t it? I’m sure he’ll be _thrilled_ when he learns that the reason why he has to put up with me is because you were too busy chatting about—”

“You don’t ever stop talking, do you?” Loki cut in, and Tony hoped that the fondness in his tone was only so obvious to him because he was so used to hearing it. If not, then they were about to be found out a whole lot earlier than Loki had wanted.

“Yeah sometimes, when my mouth is given something better to do,” Tony said suggestively, and the other agent rolled her eyes and glanced at Loki with one of those _can you believe him?_ looks that Tony was only all to used to receiving.

Good. Cover, held.

“I should deal with this,” Loki told her, giving her an apologetic smile that was so faked Tony had to smother a laugh.

“Good luck,” she said, but made no other comment as Loki stalked past Tony and down the hall, jerking his head to indicate that Tony should follow– which, of course, Tony was happy to do, trailing after Loki with a bit of a skip to his step.

The closet off the hallway just around the corner was one of their favourite haunts– Tony had long since introduced a glitch to the camera system that meant it would start to loop the footage whenever they went inside, and it was hardly ever used. They’d only been almost interrupted once, back in the beginning– but since then, never.

Loki trailed his hand over the door before they entered just like he always did, but as soon as that door was open Tony spun him around and backed him inside, crowding Loki up against the shelves in the back of the closet. The door closed with a _click_ behind them and threw them into near darkness, save for the light from the arc reactor.

“Come on then, Lokes,” Tony taunted, his hands running up Loki’s chest and over his shoulders, pressing forward so their bodies were aligned. “I thought you were going to _deal_ with me.”

“Eager, are we?” Loki chuckled, his hands curling around Tony’s hips to steady them both.

“Can you blame me?” Tony asked, pressing up on his tiptoes to graze his teeth along Loki’s ear. “It’s been way too long since I saw you.”

Loki laughed again, a soft, breathless thing that had Tony smiling against his skin. “It’s been four hours.”

“Exactly.” Tony dragged his lips down over Loki’s throat, trailing a line of soft kisses. “Much too long. And seeing you there… well, SHIELD isn’t my favourite organisation in the world but they sure know how to make a uniform.” He nipped lightly at Loki’s neck, just above his collar, and relished in the groan it pulled from Loki in response.

Fingers tugged gently in Tony’s hair, and then Loki caught Tony’s smirk in a searing kiss that Tony felt all the way from his toes to the tips of his fingers. Tony’s hands stroked down Loki’s sides to pull at the near skin-tight black shirt, and then they were sliding underneath to run over the sharp lines of Loki’s body. He felt Loki doing the same, Tony’s dress shirt tugged from his pants, and then Loki’s nails were raking over Tony’s back, not hard enough to break skin but causing him to moan all the same.

“We don’t have much time, Anthony,” Loki breathed against Tony’s mouth, his tone equal parts regretful and needy. “I have a meeting—”

“Then I suppose I shall have to be quick,” Tony replied with a cock-sure grin, and he held Loki’s gaze as he sunk down to his knees and loosened Loki’s belt with practiced movements. He leaned forward and ran his mouth over the curve of Loki’s hips, pressing kisses against hot skin while his hands worked Loki’s pants down his legs, deftly avoiding the growing bulge. Loki’s fingers threaded through Tony’s hair as he kissed his way down to the top of Loki’s thigh, and as Tony felt a tug, he _stopped._ He didn’t pull away, he stayed close and tilted up his chin to catch Loki’s frustrated gaze expectantly. He couldn’t see Loki’s face perfectly in the dim, but he could see enough in the light of the reactor to catch the confused curiosity, and his grin widened.

Then Loki groaned with understanding, closed his eyes and threw back his head, his fingers untangling from Tony’s hair and moving to grab the shelf behind him instead.

“You should try to be a little quieter,” Tony suggested, still smiling up as he slid his fingers under the waistband of Loki’s underwear.

“No one will hear,” Loki said hoarsely. “Keep going.”

Tony didn’t know how Loki could be sure of that but decided to take him at his word. He hummed deep in the back of his throat, and tugged Loki’s underwear down half an inch before looking back up, taunting.

“Keep going _what?_ ” he asked.

“Anthony—”

“Loki.”

“ _Please_.”

Tony turned his head to graze his teeth over the soft inside of Loki’s thigh, and smiled when he felt it tremble in response. But Loki kept his hands away, so Tony leaned back to tug Loki’s underwear down the rest of the way. He kept kissing and nipping at Loki’s thigh, aiming for that _spot_ high up on the inside and—

Loki shuddered, a curse spewing from his lips, and Tony grinned.

Finally, he looked to where Loki most wanted him to be. He pressed his lips to the base of Loki’s straining cock and then ran his tongue along its length, a slow stroke up to the head. Then he pressed a kiss to the tip, opening his mouth just _slightly_ and curling his tongue underneath while he wrapped his fingers around the base.

Loki was practically writhing now, his knuckles white in the shine of the reactor as he gripped the shelf behind him. He looked beautiful in his pleasured torment, and Tony smiled before pursing his lips, covering his teeth, and taking the head of Loki’s cock into his mouth.

He took his time, swirling his tongue around the tip, making sure he built up enough saliva and enjoying the tiny jerks of movement as Loki _tried_ to stay still, but just couldn’t quite manage it.  

Tony let go of his grip on Loki’s hip and slid his spare hand down Loki’s thigh as he brought his cock deeper into his mouth, sliding down and hollowing his cheeks even as he stroked with his hand.

The noises pulling from Loki’s throat urged Tony on, the inarticulate moans and desperate pleading both speeding his strokes and slowing his tongue, his hand finally coming to cup Loki’s balls to the sound of Tony’s name falling desperately from pretty lips.

The muscles in Loki’s thighs shuddered hard, and his hips bucked once—

And Tony leaned away, letting his lips pull of the head of Loki’s cock with a soft pop.

Loki _growled– “Anthony—”_

“Loki,” Tony breathed, half blowing on the tip—

And then he opened his mouth and slid back down, swallowing once, _twice_ —

Loki’s cock jerked in his mouth, and Tony pulled back slightly so that he could swallow down everything that Loki had to give. When Loki was little more than a shuddering mess Tony pushed up to standing and pulled Loki into a long, slow kiss. Loki didn’t mind the taste of himself on Tony’s lips, he never had, and his hands came around Tony’s waist, clinging almost desperately as he kissed hungrily into Tony’s mouth.

Tony melted into his touch and held on just as tightly, gasping into the kiss as his hips pulled flush against Loki’s. That caused Loki to lean away, and Tony tried to draw him back in.

“You don’t have to,” he started, “you can make it up to me later—”

But then Loki’s hands were pushing down Tony’s pants, and Tony pressed his face into the curve of Loki’s neck to smother his moans. Loki’s fingers were slick, and Tony wondered where he got the lube from, but the thought was lost in the haze of bliss as Loki played his cock with practiced skill, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Tony’s throat as he did so. Tony had been so achingly hard that it didn’t take long for him to reach his peak, and he came with a shout that he couldn’t hold back.

They simply held each other afterwards, wiping themselves down with one of the convenient clean cloths from the shelves and then sliding down to the floor and leaning together, arms around bare waists and heads on shoulders. Loki had said they didn’t have long probably too long ago, but neither were willing to move when they felt so content, even if they were on the floor of a storage closet.

That didn’t matter, though. Tony could have curled up with Loki in the back of a garbage truck and called it quality time. (Well, maybe not, but the sentiment should still count.)

“You go first,” Loki whispered some quiet minutes later, though he made no move to let Tony go. “I’ll clean up.”

“Are you sure? I can—”

“It will not take long,” Loki said. Then he smiled, and pressed a light kiss just below Tony’s ear. “You can make it up to me later.”

The thought of _later_ was all that gave Tony the courage to get off that floor and dress, though he still pulled his clothes on slowly, trying to linger. He wasn’t– it wasn’t that he wanted to be clingy, he just, felt _lighter_ whenever he was with Loki.

Just as Tony was about to go, Loki caught his wrist and pulled him back in for a final, sweet kiss, running his hands once through Tony’s hair and then down his clothes, the movement leaving a tingle over Tony’s skin.

“Thank you,” Loki said softly.

“For the blowjob?” Tony asked amusedly. “You know you don’t—”

“For coming to see me,” Loki corrected, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smile. “I missed you, as well.”

Somehow, that made it even harder to leave, and Tony lingered in Loki’s arms for a moment longer before forcibly pulling back and heading for the door. He hoped that Loki’s pat-down had been enough to straighten him out, not having much of a choice– since he knew that every moment he stayed in that closet, it would only become more difficult to tear himself away.

He still stopped in the first bathroom he found, walked straight to the mirror and—

And… stared.

He looked completely fine, entirely put together. His hair was just as sharply styled as it had been when he’d left the Tower, his clothes were clean and smooth, and his face was completely composed, no red or swollen lips or _anything_ that there should have been. 

It was confusing, and Tony stared for a moment longer with a frown before going to get his suit to fly back home. As he flew, he _thought_ , using the comforting actions of flight to clear his mind and look back over the things he had missed– now and _before_.

There was… something odd about Loki, there always had been. Nothing big, or particularly noticeable, but just a pile of small things that stacked up after knowing him for long enough, too many coincidences and strange, unexplainable moments that never quite added up.

Tony considered looking into it for a moment, but pushed the notion away almost instantly.

It was _Loki_.

If Tony wanted to know, all he had to do was _ask_. Tony trusted Loki with everything he was– his home, his secrets, his bots, his _heart_.

Fuck.

It had only been a few minutes and already Tony wished that he could head straight back, wrap Loki in his arms and relax into his touch. And, earlier– he had gone all the way to SHIELD just because he had wanted to see him. It hadn’t been about sex, though of course that was always enjoyable– he had gone because he _missed_ Loki, and he couldn’t bear another minute without seeing his smile when it was so easy to just go and _visit_.

Somehow, Loki had managed to become one of the most important features of Tony’s life, and Tony hadn’t even really noticed it happening. It had crept up on him and yet pounced suddenly at the same time– but somehow, Tony _knew_ that he had fallen in love with Loki, and he didn’t quite know how or when.

He spent the rest of the day almost vibrating, hardly able to concentrate as he waited for Loki to return home. He managed to finish his earlier project but couldn’t focus to start another, and ended up wandering and jumping between tasks. It turned out that the towering pile of paperwork on his desk in his office downstairs was perfect, just mind-numbing enough to still his mind so he could plan on what to _say_ while giving his hands something to do. Poor Pepper almost seemed to have a heart attack when she came in to see what he was doing, but when she caught his nervous gaze she gave him a soft smile and walked out, only to come back a few minutes later with a coffee.

Pepper was definitely the best sort of person.

The paperwork didn’t quite take long enough though, and Tony was soon wandering the penthouse again, going over and over words in his mind because this was something he didn’t want to fuck up, this was important—

When JARVIS finally announced Loki’s arrival Tony still didn’t think he was ready—

But then Loki stepped out of the elevator, and all of Tony’s nerves melted away. He crossed the room in a few quick strides, his lips curving into a soft smile as he fell into Loki’s embrace.

“Hello,” Loki chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of Tony’s head. “How have you been since I last saw you?”

“Fine,” Tony murmured, closing his eyes and simply breathing Loki in. And he _knew_ it was ridiculous, goddamn, but he’d only just realised he loved the guy. He should be allowed to hold on tight, just for now.

“Only fine?” Loki asked, his laugh still audible in his tone.

“Well, I did paperwork,” Tony said with half a shrug. “So that was—”

“Boring.”

“Well, yes.” He looked up to Loki with a grin. “But I also figured a few things out today.”

“Oh?” Loki asked, raising a brow. “New project?”

“Not quite,” Tony replied. Then – because, fuck words – Tony slid his fingers through Loki’s short hair and pulled him down for a sweet, affectionate kiss. It was nothing like the kisses they had shared earlier that day in the closet– it was slow, yes, but aching with a sense of devotion, and Tony made sure to pour every ounce of feeling he could into every soft press of their lips.

When they pulled back, Tony held Loki’s gaze, willing him to understand.

“Oh,” Loki whispered. “ _Oh–_ Anthony, you…”

“I love you, Loki,” Tony said softly. He smiled, and moved to kiss him again—

But he stopped. Because—

Loki looked _stricken_.

Not… not in a way that made it seem like he was _upset_ that Tony loved him, but– almost as if he were _guilty_ about something.

Mind reeling, previous suspicions slotting into place, Tony _held on tight_ and cupped Loki’s cheek.

“Hey, hey,” Tony said, pressing in close just in case Loki tried to flee. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I think… I think I have some idea, anyway.”

“I should have told you long ago,” Loki whispered, gripping Tony tightly and smothering his words in Tony’s hair. “Before this got so far, before you…”

“I meant what I said,” Tony said firmly. “Okay? Look, I know there’s something you’re hiding—”

Tony cut himself off as Loki honest to god _whimpered_ , curling around Tony like he was equally worried that _Tony_ would vanish. And when Tony went to move, tugging lightly on Loki’s shirt, it took a few gentle words before Loki would let him go enough for Tony to lead them to the couch, where Loki pulled Tony into his arms and clutched him tightly to his chest like it was his last chance to do so.

Tony just held on to him, then, wondering whether he had the whole situation wrong– because it had to be bad, if Loki was responding like this.

“I should have told you,” Loki said again. “I had thought about it so many times, but I…”

“It’s all right,” Tony said again, pressing his lips to Loki’s neck and frowning as the action sent a tremor through Loki’s lean frame.

“I don’t… I couldn’t cope, if I lost you,” Loki whispered. “I need you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Tony promised.

“You don’t even know—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Tony said, glancing up. “I mean… you’re still Loki, right? Oh– is your name still Loki? Or is there something else that I should—”

“I _am_ Loki,” Loki said firmly, and for half a second, Tony could have sworn his blue eyes flashed green.

But that was impossible– that was like, magic, or—

Wait.

Hadn’t Thor said his brother was magic? His brother who liked to wear _green_ , who had been banished from Asgard and whose _name was freaking—_

“Oh,” Tony gasped, his eyes widening– though he didn’t let go of his hold on Loki in the slightest. “Oh my _god_.”

“Well,” Loki said, half of a broken smile curling up the corner of his mouth. “Yes.”

“Holy _shit_ ,” Tony said, still maybe freaking out a little. “You’re an actual _god_.”

Loki frowned, and Tony lamented the loss of that almost-smile. “I don’t know why you are so shocked by that possibility. You _have_ met a god before. Thor is on your team.”

“Yeah, but I’m not dating Thor, am I?”

“I should hope not.”

Tony smiled at that, and he was glad to see that Loki’s smile had returned. Although, there was still something wounded dancing along the edges of it, as if Loki still didn’t quite believe that Tony understood what he was getting himself into.

And, well. So maybe this _would_ take some consideration, because Loki was a god, he was already at least a thousand years old and would live long after Tony had turned to dust. And he wasn’t– he wasn’t even _human_ , they weren’t the same species—

But, did that really matter?

Tony had been noticing Loki’s oddities for a while now, he had seen enough to have suspected that Loki was at least maybe a mutant, or an inhuman, or _something_. But a god? That was a whole different ballpark, and yet…

Tony swallowed.

“Would you show me?” he asked, curling his hand in Loki’s shirt in his nervousness. Loki frowned, and Tony was quick to add– “You just– you look totally human right now. And I know Asgardians look like us, but, I know you must have been hiding from Thor, at least. Would you show me, what you look like normally?”

“What I look like _normally?”_ Loki checked, his voice oddly strained. “Yes, I…” He went to move off the couch, but Tony stayed put in Loki’s lap, and arched a brow.

Loki shook his head fondly, and closed his eyes.

Tony watched in awe as Loki shimmered green, and his appearance began to change– but not overly so. His body remained the same, at least, as far as Tony could tell from his perch on top of it. And when Loki opened his eyes to look at Tony cautiously…

Well.

Tony _meant_ to say something along the lines of ‘you’re the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen,’ or maybe a ‘you’re beautiful.’ He even would have been fine with a ‘holy shit, you’re hot.’

But what he got was one of those embarrassing _hnngg_ noises that pulled from low in his throat as he reached up to brush his fingers along Loki’s clean-shaven cheeks, to stroke his thumbs under Loki’s bright green eyes, to run his hands though Loki’s long dark hair. Because those were the only changes– Loki’s face was still _his_ , still with those sharp cheekbones and pretty lips that Tony loved to kiss.

“Anthony?” Loki asked, tilting his head–

And _oh_ , even that was the same.

Tony’s smile grew, and he leaned in to press a kiss to Loki’s cheek.

“You didn’t really think that was going to scare me off, did you?” Tony asked lightly. And he _had_ hoped that would be enough to help Loki relax, to cut away some of the tension and finally bring them back down to a state where they could just sit and talk, to discuss what all this meant in terms of their relationship—

But Loki leaned down to press his forehead to Tony’s shoulder, dislodging Tony’s hands. Tony began to stroke Loki’s hair instead, confused but concerned, and wanting to soothe him regardless of what was going on.

“I didn’t,” Loki muttered, his voice a little muffled. “Not really. I know that what we have is more than _that_.”

“Okay,” Tony said, his frown deepening. “So… why are you still worried?”

It seemed like that was, again, the wrong thing to say. Loki was shaking like a leaf, and the first sob shot through Tony’s chest like a shard of ice.  Especially since– Loki had been _smiling_ when they talked about him being a god, and he’d even made a joke. But now it just seemed like he was falling apart, and Tony didn’t understand.

So Tony just held him, shifting on Loki’s lap so he was straddling him, pressing into him so they were close as they could be. He made comforting sounds and stroked Loki’s hair, and ran his hands down Loki’s spine as he tried to bring him back from whatever darkness he had fallen into.

“I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of Loki’s head. “I love you. I love that you’re a god, that you’re _you_. Everything that you’re worried about, we can work it out, just… talk to me, Lokes. There’s nothing you could say right now that’s going to make me let go.”

“Anthony…” Loki whispered, his voice broken. “I am a _monster_.”

“I can’t believe that,” Tony said, gently pushing at Loki’s shoulders to see his face. Loki’s green eyes were red-rimmed, and Tony pressed a kiss just under one of them. “Listen. I know that Asgard exiled you, Thor mentioned that once.” Thor had been blackout drunk at the time, but Tony kept that part to himself. “I don’t know what you did, but I do know _you_. So whatever you think—”

“No,” Loki cut in. “I don’t mean that I am monster because of what I have done, though I know that I have done some terrible things. I mean that while this is the skin that I choose to wear, it is not the one I was born in. I am a monster in every sense of the word.” 

“Oh,” Tony said. “Okay, _no_. Even if you’re secretly Cthulhu under there, you’re _not_ , and I’d still—"

“I am a Frost Giant,” Loki said, the words hoarse and choked, like he had forced them up his throat.

“Okay,” Tony said slowly, drawing out the syllables. He really, really didn’t want to be insensitive, because this was clearly a big fucking deal. But. “You’re going to have to help me out, because… I don’t actually know what that is.”

Loki’s eyes widened, and his lips parted in shock, disbelief overwhelming his earlier fear. “You don’t know?” He asked.

“Uh, no,” Tony admitted. “Honestly, right now I’m picturing a giant snowman. And even if kissing you will be difficult if you have a carrot for a nose, I can promise that I _will_ still love you.”

“You mean that,” Loki said, still staring at Tony with awe. “You really do.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Tony stressed. “I really, really—”

Loki cut Tony off as he leaned forward and caught Tony’s lips with his own. The kiss was short and chaste and tasted like salt, but Tony thought it was one of the most perfect kisses that they had shared. And when they pulled back, Loki’s smile was sweet.

“Thank you,” he said.

“You don’t have to thank me,” Tony told him. “But, uh. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter, but I still don’t know what a Frost Giant is.”

“A Jötunn,” Loki replied simply. “The creature that haunts the nightmares of children.”

“Loki, you’re always haunting my dreams, but I can promise that they aren’t nightmares.”

Loki actually _laughed_ at that, a short, breathy giggle that warmed Tony all the way through.

The description hadn’t helped any, of course, but Tony could tell that Loki still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the topic. But that didn’t really matter, because whatever Loki was– he was still the man that Tony had fallen in love with, and he was more than willing to give Loki as much time as he needed to be comfortable with sharing everything.

There was, however, another question that had been burning at him, and he offered it up with a curious smirk.

“I have to ask,” he said. “Loki, why _is_ the god of mischief hiding on Earth as a SHIELD agent?”

“I was keeping an eye on my brother,” Loki started, but then he paused as his gaze caught on the grin that was pulling up the corners of Tony’s mouth.

“Loki,” Tony said slowly, the realisation spreading through him in a wave of glee. “The god of mischief and chaos is literally _inside SHIELD_. Oh my god, I can’t wait to see Fury’s _face_ —” He cut himself off, remembering. “Oh, but, your cover. Don’t worry, I’m not going to sell you out or anything, I’m not going to stop you from looking after Thor—”

“I know, but that doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t need SHIELD anymore,” Loki said, nuzzling into Tony’s neck. “I have you. You’re an Avenger, that’ll let me help keep Thor out of trouble.”

“Oh, now I feel loved,” Tony said, chuckling.

“I do, you know?” Loki said, catching and holding Tony’s gaze. “I do love you. I don’t know how it happened– you were interesting, for a mortal—”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Loki grinned, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to the corner of Tony’s mouth. “Interesting, and intriguing, but you were never meant to be…”

“I know,” Tony said softly. “I get it.” Then he grinned. “I guess I’m just that awesome.”

“Yes,” Loki agreed, his eyes shining.

“You seem happy,” Tony said warmly, stroking Loki’s cheek. The memory of what had happened still echoed through his red-rimmed eyes, but Loki seemed lighter than Tony had ever seen him.

“Why shouldn’t I?” Loki asked. “I love you, and you’re staying with me.”

“Of course I am,” Tony said, leaning up kiss Loki properly. “And I love you, too. Carrots and all.”

SHIELD, Asgard, everything else could wait. For now, they were happy where they were, and nothing could take that away from them.


End file.
